Q&A: I Have to Make the Best Choice and I’m Stuck
February 27, 2013
Dear Jennifer: I’m in a
point of my life where I have to decide wisely as I don’t want to repeat
the poor choices I have made in the past. On the career front, I have
two job offers and want to choose the best one. My relationship is stuck
and I need to decide what I want to do next. Although I feel confident
that I will make the best choices, I know that I am putting a lot of
pressure on myself regarding this. So I feel stuck, confused and I’m so
afraid I will make the wrong choice or hurt someone’s feelings. How can I
choose with confidence and allow this to happen with grace and ease?
Jennifer’s Answer: So many
people are now at a crossroads in their life, feeling pressured to make
great choices, and they don’t know what to do. Being aware of what you
have done in the past and how those choices may have limited your life
then is a good thing but this is a new phase of your life and the
choices you make today will be grounded in today’s beliefs and
knowledge. Yesterday’s choices reflect yesterday’s energy. The only way
to repeat them is to use the same energy to make a choice today, that
you did in the past. Your fear of the past puts you in the energy of
the past and that is the only thing that will allow your former choices
to become your current reality.
It’s the difference between moving
towards success or trying to avoid failure. With one you are facing the
future; with the other you are facing the past. The way to view the
choices is not by the choice itself, but by the outcome you want to
create in your life. The right choice will be totally obvious when you
are clear about the kind of result you want from it. With respect to the
job, do you want responsibility, freedom, financial stability, respect,
promotions, a short commute, pleasant and friendly co-workers, etc.?
Focus on these details and you will be led to the job choice that makes
them possible.
The same thing applies to your
relationship. Instead of trying to make the one you want fit or change
it, shift your focus to what you want ‘a’ relationship to be like. Do
you want someone who is thoughtful, kind, loving, and supportive? Do you
want a relationship that has great communication, romance, fun,
togetherness and excitement? What are you willing to do or be to allow
that to happen? Are there any barriers that you are creating to prevent
any relationship from becoming the one you want to be in? Focus on the
relationship outcome you want and the one you have now will either be
able to meet them or not. If it can, it will shift and become more of
what you want. If not, it will end and you will create space for a new
relationship that meets your needs.
Too often we think we have to take what
is in front of us and make it fit what we need. And that can lead to
‘failure’ because it won’t work or it won’t flow with grace and ease.
The ‘square peg, round hole’ model of choosing is not going to be easy
or feel good. But if you focus instead on the outcomes you want, you set
energy in motion that will allow those outcomes to be possible and what
does fit them will appear in your life, what doesn’t fit them will move
out of your life. And the result will be the perfect and best choice,
because it will be the only choice that is obvious to you. It’s easier
to know the outcome you want and create the choice that supports the
outcome than to try to make a choice fit an outcome that it is not
designed to fit.
Copyright (c) 2013 by Jennifer Hoffman.
All rights reserved. You may translate, quote, copy or link to this
article, in its entirety, as long as you include the author’s name and a
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